Week 19

[Boo Bernis]

Well, just lost Russell because Benry feels I am too close to him and would screw him at f4 by going back to him.

I had intentions of that ONLY if I found out it was a final 2 and not final 3 because at that point I would not be taken there if Ben or Ash would win that final immunity challenge.
But I refuse to join with Kelly and Parv and Benry knows that, so on his side it's smarter and if taking out Russell keeps the heat off my back, then so be it...
Towards the end there, the last thing I wanted to do at that point was help Russell...I know for his game making a move sooner than that wouldn't have been smart, but had he helped me out earlier and taken out Kelly or Parv or something earlier instead of just saying he was going to eventually, I would have put my neck on the line for him.
But I could tell that Sally was Russell's number 1...everyone knew it, even Parv knew it. Russell wasn't taking me anywhere and if he was, then I guess I've been wrong about him this whole game.
Let's just say I trusted the guy about 85% of the time...but he really started to talk to me once it got closer to the end, I'm assuming for the same reasons Parv did--because the game was getting closer to the end, more intense, and as lines started to become more apparent they started worrying.

I felt like I was Russ' "duty" since Kelly hates me, Parv hates me, and I have never trusted Sally. Russ was the only one it actually didn't hurt to talk to...talking to Sally was like shoving needles in my eye balls...I dreaded it and I can't even tell you why I continued to...I mean anything strategic went to Russ and Parv, I knew this...talking to Sally was probably the stupidest ideas for me this game. I told myself in the beginning she was the one person I refused to align with or try to work something out because I knew how she was....somewhere along the lines of desperation and just wanting someone to align with that line got erased and I completely forgot...
But boy am I glad she was the one voted out--it's nice not having her here anymore

As for me right now...
I don't want Russell to be right haha but I'm getting weird signals from Benry. I mean I honestly don't see WHY he would vote me out this round or next unless he had to, but stranger things have happened and I wouldn't put it by Benry for a SECOND. I like the guy, but I know how slimy he can be--I saw a bit of it in Capri. He's definitely on my radar, but like I said I will not go to Parv and Kelly and would love to see one if not both of them leave before me. I have no intentions of betraying Ash or Benry and I think I proved that last round by not giving into Russell even though I wanted to.
I honestly could be considered the reason Ash is still here. If it tied, I guarantee Russell would have swept the floor with Ashley in the trivia tie breaker.

Anything can happen though and I am going to continue to worry until this round is over. If Parv or Kelly leaves tonight, then I know Benry will have me to the end....but if he doesn't want me there...just like that he could have it turned. I guarantee if I don't win this next immunity Parv and Kelly will push for me to go...whether Benry would give in or not...well we'll soon see.

[Boo Bernis]

Gotta admit...

I've never been more nervous in a game before haha

We're getting down to the wire and I'm in a position where my fate fully rests in 2 people's hands...BOTH Ash and Benry need to vote with me or I'm gone...

God I hope Benry isn't playing me.
But if he is, well my chances wouldn't have been any better had I stuck with Russell.
I don't want to give Russ the satisfaction of him being right about Benry and I don't want to give anyone the satisfaction of me being voted out. I want to be here in the end.

[Boo Bernis]

It really sucks to be sitting in this position.

If I was THIS worried Benry was going to screw me over, I would jump to the other side and just vote whoever they're voting...too bad that one, those 2 hate me, are targeting me, and would never try to use me to help them...and 2, I hate them, are targeting them and have been since merge, and I would never go to their side and try to help them out.

You know, if I got voted out tonight I honestly would not understand.
1. Parv will win this game if she gets to the end...Benry has a shot, but I highly doubt people are looking at anyone else besides Parv at the moment.
2. I've helped Benry and Ash the most that I could and kind of worked with them when we needed to.
3. I'm pretty much the reason Ashley is here. I did not want to vote Russell, but sacrificed him in order to stick with the people who I thought were loyal to me. I could have voted Ash and let it tie and then Russ would have beat her in the tb definitely.
4. If they vote me out, it will be a 2-2 final 4. What a stupid position to put yourself in. They both know Parvati won't vote out Kelly--I'm sure she's saying she will, but she's just trying to keep the vote off Kelly. If they vote me out now, it will tie next round 2-2 and Ash WILL go home. Meaning Benry will be sitting next to Kelly and Parv in the final 3. Those are awful odds for Benry.

It just makes sense to keep me around, but not everything that happens makes sense...but for this situation I really hope what happens makes a lot of sense which would mean keeping me around.
I've worked hard and honestly I don't think I'm threatening to Benry. He can beat me if he wants to, but some of those challenges he didn't try because he didn't need to. Parv on the other hand is someone who could put up a good fight against him in challenges AND in the finals and the fact she dominated that immunity should show him he can't let her keep any power.

I just want to make it to the next round so bad...I deserve it whereas I don't think Kelly truly does. So many people in this game have put their heart and soul into it and got cut. But they also should have seen it coming earlier and maybe they'd be here.
I just wish I would have won that immunity so I wouldn't even be worrying about this. It would be a simple vote, we all would know none of us 3 are leaving.

The longer I wait it seems I feel more comfortable in what Benry has told me, but that just leaves more time to be set up by a HUGE blindside...do I think it will happen??......yes. Should it happen??? I do not think so. But I only have one man's opinion and if Benry has a certain plan in mind, there's no shaking him from it.